My Loneliness Writes

No matter how many times Im told I'm not alone, I feel more alone. The crickets and the tic tock of clocks are unhappy reminders every evening of how alone I truly am. Waves of decent gestures, big written notes of get wells and moments of time spliced into smiles and laughter shared with people who believe to love me make me feel more alone and I don't know how to shut off my mind. How do I shut off my true feelings of not wanting to blink or breath? I keep wishing to the Universe that when I go to sleep I don't wake up to see the next day filled with falsehood and unsolicited hellos. I am swamped in a world where I stare at walls and choke on hopes that my life would be better in some other form. It's very easy to tell someone that it will be okay rather than to prepare them for truth and that is life is unknown, the paths we walk we could have every bit of energy directed to a positive but torn completely towards another way in an instant. My instant came and I have no idea how to navigate in this. I don't know how I can keep up the facade that I want to be here living the way I am. We are taught that death is an end or possibly a beginning of something. We hang on to notions of damnation towards others who feel like I feel and that's simply just checking out so my energy can check into a new life. I'm unsure if it will be better than what I desire desperately to leave behind but I know pain, true internal emotional pain can't follow. I've held in the belief that my life is ruined, but really its just the idea of what I wanted and wished my life to be for 20 something years and a forceful reset has been pressed but not by my own hand. I think if I pressed it, it wouldn't be this way. I was totally faking it till I made it these past few months, but damn I am very tired. People keep saying have strength, have this to look towards or that... what the fuck? What the fuck! What the fuck! Nothing makes sense, we just keep faking it and making it appear to make sense of senselessness with no one taking responsibility. I honestly don't want to be here anymore and it doesn't scare me, however I am worried about those who are in my circle stomping on my ashes calling me names and being angry so know your fire prevents my candle from burning out, but I don't want to be here. I am as I have always been since I was a little, waiting for my death by external means so I can finally say goodbye.

Darker Light

A weak seed planted itself within the enriching soil of its mother

Growth began yet death imprinted

Time halted or so it felt as she watched her belly form from womb to tomb

Ready to welcome smooth breathing and a piercing outcry

The God with a mask and rubber gloves scurried away with the mother’s precious star

The might of sun rose and fell upon the face of a thousand tears for several days

Then in final melancholic tunes from the once exalted God explained that though love was there it could not sustain

The cosmos spiraled and roared with ignorance of direction allowing another seed to be planted

The disenchanted hearts nourished and unconsciously imprinted perfection of which in their hearts a

mirror was erected towards death and rebirth

The new soul then flowed upward like a winding tree and soulitified with broken branches and scared bark

To be told through broken glass, broken bone, and whipped skin to have never been good enough,

smart enough, and straight enough to fulfill the missing welcome of his dead brother

Though however gloom he stood tall in the sun to everyone’s amazement yet the question was

continuously posed how?

After years of inner torment and outer self destruction the universe placed a hand upon him which

eased all suffering and opened his mind to a purpose in which no one could comprehend and so they

still pull and nudge towards him so they could find a satisfying response

A response in which shall never roll off his lips, a response that does not exist

Because he took his soul and cycled it through death and rebirth all on his own

"Truth"

(What you are about to read is "The Truth" for me. It comes from my experiences and the time I have put into reaching a higher consciousness. This article is just scratching the surface of what is cycling in my brain power. I believe 100% in this and it comes to me like common sense. In my opinion, I believe what I have written is the reality that had been seen by many before but their minds created religion and other beliefs around it. I am not going to do that. I just simply wish to share my pure sight without the physical spacial dimension ideas and teachings corrupting it. Enjoy... More will be added)

We are all energy, a transferable spirit that is all interconnected. It has always been in existence. However, it was unable to take physical form. Therefore, in another spacial dimension, The Body was created. The Body is of anything that needs to breath oxygen and or sunlight to survive and some other key elements. All bodies were designed to manifest into whatever nature allowed. Energy then attached itself to The Body, allowing it to act as its host. This then allowed The Body to move, think, have senses and drive to give all living things the ability to live. Energy is never disconnected from itself, it is impossible. Though we can not see the energy in the physical spacial dimension, when one does have an out of body experience, which is simply stepping into a different dimension, they can and will see how all energy is one.

For whatever reason, some parts of the energy is stronger then another, which is how and why there is positive and negative in existence. So at the root, it is energy, then as it latches itself to The Body host, it is activated and The Body becomes a individual that needs sunlight, water and oxygen or other key elements to survive. This can be a rotted tree, a dying kitten, human baby/people, water and land animals or flowers. All just alive due to the one thing none of it can see.

When a certain thread of the energy is stronger or weaker, it why there are "Bad Ones" and "Good Ones". This has to do with the positive and negative. However, A thread that is strong can be the highest category tsunami, A great leader or a strong willed man who became a dictator, killer bees, giant whales, any forms of beast but with good and bad impacts. Some examples of weak could be human who do not have the will or loose the will to live in some sort of capacity, suicide, still born, dying for no medical reasoning, same goes for other animals and creatures and even the parts of the grass that doesn't grow.

At the end of it all, in the physical dimension, The Body dies. Thus the energy does not die, it just travels to another host. The more reincarnations, the more bodies it host, the weaker the thread becomes and eventually, it goes through a re-birthing stage. Which is very simple. Energy is transferable and interchangeable, so when one thread of the mass energy grind is down, other threads around it allows it to borrow from them. It is self sustaining spiritual, life essence, Skeptics may say, no when your body dies it dies... when the bug is squashed its dead. Some may think the soul goes off into a nirvana of some kind or a sort of Hell. All ideas created by brain power, The Body, so it can have some sense of the word "Why". Why is the best word to describe the confusion that goes on in the minds of others when they do not comprehend or have the ability to take something in and naturally understand it. Why?

"From The Thoughts of Jason M. Spencer."